I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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