There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
