So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
and she was petting her beer can
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
