Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
