Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
