All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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