I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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