he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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