Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
