Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
