She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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