filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
