Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
