he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
