ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I checked into jail on foursquare
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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