Can Purell be used as lube?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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