he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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