I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
