I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
