you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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