Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
