Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
