Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think i have two assholes
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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