I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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