I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
