So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize