I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
