I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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