Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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