exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
