I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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