why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
