I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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