That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
