Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
