Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
