cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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