I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize