went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
