you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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