he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
