You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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