Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
