After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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