Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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