Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
