At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
