When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
