dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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