some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
