So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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