So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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