just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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