Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
