She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
