I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
