You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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