Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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