If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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