I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
