I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
