I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just tell him i said nine months
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
