i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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