I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
