You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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