I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
