I'm gonna have a badass scar
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize