Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
