physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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