I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
