Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
