I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
