We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
