Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize