my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
