miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
