So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
wow bdsm is so cute
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