Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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