the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
