So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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