The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
