my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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