Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
