trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
