thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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