As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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