I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My cat gives me a boner
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
