if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How naked do you want me to be?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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