i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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