k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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