I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
