Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
