that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
