He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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