The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
