I feel like I'm in dance class right now
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
