May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
this just has baby written all over it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
