Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
