you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
