Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
