there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I want a musical about memes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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