I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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