I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Randomize
