Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
