do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
