sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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