can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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