Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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