can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
