The brown eye won't let me do that either.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
