I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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