im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
