she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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