; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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