If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
