Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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