Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
