dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
