Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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