he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
