Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
