I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
