i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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