the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
