piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
