I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
