i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
