Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize