so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
God, I missed his penis.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
