paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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