tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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